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11 Reasons You’re Going to Be the Target of an April Fool’s Day Prank

snakes in a can surprise gift
Hulton Archive/Getty

April Fool’s Day is just around the corner and that means rubes all over the world are bound to have their toilet seats super glued, their coffee spiked with garlic and their lives turned into someone else’s entertainment.

The best way you can avoid this unwanted honor is to learn whether or not you are one of those rubes. If you fit any of these symptoms, plan on calling in sick come April 1.

1. On your resume, you listed one of your special skills as “can eat anything for a dollar.”

2. You spent an hour trying to delete words from a document on your computer with a pencil eraser.

3. You still think you’ve got a chance to beat Mitt Romney in the GOP primary.

4. You once got in a fight with a vending machine and eventually “came to an understanding.”

5. You once lost a bet on a baseball game that was played on a VCR tape.

6. People greet you by saying, “Hey, watch what I do to him this time.”

7. You own a Ginsu, a Sham-Wow, a Slap Chop, a Schticky, a Thighmaster, a Buttmaster, a Genie Bra, a Baconwave, an Ove Glove, Mighty Putty, Orange Glo, a Grater Plater and stock in Enron.

8. You’re seriously thinking about buying the Cleveland Browns.

9. The first “Kick Me” sign someone put on your back is sitting in a frame over your desk.

10. You have been sitting on thumbtacks once a day to build up a tolerance for it.

11. You greenlit ‘John Carter.’

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