What the Tabloids Taught Us While Waiting In Line This Week
Yet again, avoiding the express line has its privileges.
National Enquirer
National Enquirer
- Kirstie Alley has a reason for dishing the dirt in her sick, twisted tell-all. Here it is: She was running out of ways to stay famous.
- Bruce and Kris Jenner are in the midst of a $155 million divorce bombshell. And that's just the combined cost of all their plastic surgery.
- General Petreaus’ mistress is part of a murder plot shocker. It turns out John Grisham is her biographer.
- Michael Vick’s dogs have a happy new life. After telling Vick they’re never ever ever getting back together - like ever - they’ve scheduled interviews with Oprah and Katie Couric and have a new show on Bravo.
In Touch
In Touch
- Scott Disick is mad because he wants to propose and Kourtney Kardashian wants a prenup. Sources say when she asked why he was even interested in her money, he yelled, “I learned it by watching you!”
- Katie Holmes has given Suri a new name. According to the actress, “Suri was a stupid name. What is she, a song from ‘Oklahoma’?”
- Justin Bieber begged Selena Gomez to take him back. He sent her a cake decorated with the words, “Come on, I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet.”
- Something mysterious has happened to Matthew McConaughey. Somehow he’s managed to have a successful acting career despite showering twice in 10 years.
Globe
Globe
- After his re-election, President Obama betrayed a dying Bill Clinton and stabbed Hillary in the back. In other words, they're shooting the reboot of ‘Dallas’ at the White House.
- A new book reveals Tony Bennett’s shocking secrets. He's about 400 years old. He'd better have some by now.
- Brooke Shields is in agony after her dementia-stricken mother died. Now she’ll only have herself to blame for any age-inappropriate choices she makes.
- Diane Sawyer is caught up in a drug and booze scandal. You know it best as ‘ABC World News.’
OK!
OK!
- Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are having a baby. They should be able to suck the lifeblood out of it in about 47 seconds.
- In the middle of a weight-loss drama, Angelina Jolie has put Brad Pitt on a diet. She’s trying anything to mask his terrible new haircut.
- ‘Teen Mom’ Leah is dealing with a pregnancy and a split. And the world asks, “Do these people do anything else?”
- Prince William and wife Kate Middleton might make a pregnancy announcement in December. Or January. Or February. Or March. Or April. Or May. Or …
Us Weekly
Us Weekly
- The ‘Real Housewives’ of Atlanta have dirty secrets. And they'll reveal them all once their new contract is firmly in place.
- Us Weekly knows why Selena Gomez dumped Justin Bieber. She reportedly sent the pop crooner a cake frosted with the words, “I’m tired of having a gay boyfriend. And John Mayer should be available soon.”
- Ariel Winter has been in the secret hell of a child star. She reported back saying it’s lined with the tears of Drew Barrymore, Judy Garland, Todd Bridges, Lindsay Lohan, Macaulay Caulkin and River Phoenix.
- Anne Hathaway really wants a baby. To boost her fertility, she’s planning to spend a semester or two at the high school where the ‘Teen Mom’ girls went.
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