In the old days, if you were lucky, you worked until you turned 55, joined the ranks of the retired and scarred your grandkids for life by telling them about all the ears you collected during the big war.

Now, times are tough and pensions are nothing but a distant memory. So more people are working longer and retiring later, if they even retire at all. Of course, some really should consider taking the latter option.

Here are 10 wise cracks for different types of workers that may hold some truth.

1. Your walker keeps setting off the metal detector when you try to walk people through airport security.

2. It’s hard to convince patients to let you work on their teeth when yours keep falling out in front of them.

3. You tell your boss that you’re the best person to sell a car because you helped build the very first one with Henry Ford.

4. Strom Thurmond came back from the dead to tell you to take a break.

5. Your work history on your resume includes your past job titles, duties and the “epoch” that you worked in.

6. It’s hard to do the pole vault when you also have to carry a cane.

7. You run a magazine that features pictures of naked women, work in a mansion filled with easy, scantily clad women and you need a cargo load of Viagra just to show interest in either.

8. You have a hard time flying a plane from the inside of an iron lung.

9. You yell at a fleeing suspect, “Freeze! I just had this hip replaced!”

10. You insist to your student driver that the speed limit is three miles per hour and your left blinker must always be in the “on” position.

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