The Olympics are about to begin in London. Sure, it’s a great gathering of the world’s most amazing athletes doing their thing, where competitors try to smash records quicker than you can say Zemfira Meftakhetdinova (seriously, that’s a real person going for the gold).

And while everyone loves the glamour events like basketball and swimming, we can’t help but wonder about other events that don’t exist, but would certainly make for a more entertaining Games. Here are just a few:

1. Who can hold off going to the bathroom the longest during ‘The Dark Knight Rises.’

2. Finding a place to get french fries that doesn’t start with ‘Mc’ and end with ‘Donald’s.’

3. Naming all 50 shades of grey.

4. Summer vacation misbehavior — kids compete to see who can be the fastest to make their father say, “Don’t make turn this car around!”

5. The mile-long slip and slide.

6. The short jump.

7. The person who best pretends to be interested in track and field.

8. Beer pong.

9. Speed divorcing. Let’s see if anyone can top Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ world record.

10. Actual Hunger Games. Competitors see who can go the longest without eating.

11. Correctly guessing where Dwight Howard will play next season.

12. Paparazzi that can take the biggest beating from Alec Baldwin.

13. Rain dancing. Seriously, it’s bone dry out there this summer.

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