The drug war is a giant mess. Don’t believe it? As the late comedian Bill Hicks once pointed out, “That would imply that there is a war and the people who are on drugs are winning it.”

One doctor in British Columbia doesn’t even believe that all drugs are bad for you — like ecstasy, which he says is relatively harmless and doesn’t have any negative effects in the long run. We tend to agree. Ecstasy does have some positive side effects.

1. The cops keep a closer eye on you, which is good if there’s ever an emergency.

2. All the “rave” dancing in darkened rooms with black lights makes for great cardio and can improve your night vision.

3. It makes club music tolerable.

4. Suddenly, celebrities hang out with you more.

5. Gyrating to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ in a Dr. Seuss hat and no shirt at your son’s high school graduation helps you serve as a better example to help the kids stay off drugs before they leave for college.

6. Dancing in the dark with nothing but glow sticks saves you money on your electric bill.

7. You’ll learn a lot more about chemistry.

8. It’s high in “Vitamin X.”

9. It helps you meet a lot more people whether it’s at an abandoned airport rave, a courtroom or a penitentiary.

10. It earns you a “fast pass” to a new form of public transportation called “The E-Train.”

11. You understand why so many people bought Bruno Mars’ album.

12. You stop worrying about bills, unemployment, mortgage payments, college tuition, illegal immigration, personal hygiene and remembering to put on pants before you leave the house.

13. You develop a lot more meaningful relationships with pink dragons that fart rainbows.

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